Being Obedient and Being Called..

Last night was our first Haiti meeting for our upcoming trip..Some of the people that are going are people that I have been with and there are some people that have been before and then there were a few that are newcomers that have given to God and are going for their first trip..I remember the feelings that they are having!  Feelings of being scared literally to death,fear of the unknown,fear of not knowing what in the world this will do to you and not sure if you want it to change you because you don't want to change.Fear of leaving your family here in the states,Fear of something happening to you while you are there,Fear of being with a bunch of Haitian people and not understanding anything that they are saying.. fear of knowing that when I got back to the states "how was I going to understand all of this and why God wanted me to go"....

I still to this day do not know the reason "why me"...I do know that God has called me to be somewhere full time in a medical/clinic/orphanage setting.I do not think I have it in me to be a "missionary"..I am by no means a "spirit led" person and do not  pray for everyone that I see or offer to pray.I do not know everything about the Bible and most of the time I can't tell you where a verse is and stil have to go to the contents of the Bible to find some of the books that I have never even heard of..But I am called...Is this what I thought I would ever do?? Uh..NO...I would like to just live here in my sweet little world and do what I can every now and then with Haiti and know that I love this country and can opt to go when I feel like it.But then in my heart is this urge,fire,passion that I can't get rid of.Passion to pick up,sell everything that I have and serve full time with my family..Passion/Fire that hasn't left since the day I stepped off the plane in Haiti in 2008...

So for the "newcomers" there really is a reason to be scared...really there is...Be scared of what you are going to feel,be scared of how this will change your life,your heart,your family,because there will be days in Haiti that you will be wanting to come home because you are seeing things that you don't want to see,you will want to leave so you can forget how you are feeling,and then the feelings of "I can't believe that I have all this stuff" will come...especially when you get home!

BUT....even in all of this craziness there will be a still gentle voice that says "Be still and know that I am God" and you will come home to your family and appreciate them,you will look into your childrens eyes and thank God that he trusts you enough to raise these precious souls.You will be thankful for your spouse for loving you,taking care of your family while you were gone,it will bring you closer to your spouse and if your spouse has ever went before you will be saying "I finally get it" or if your spouse has not gone you will be trying to get him/her to go (or be fighting with who will be next!)...You will see people more differently than before.You will give more without even thinking..You may even come home and know that your "little girl" is in Haiti and you are not sure what to do about it..

I could go on and on and on about the feelings that you are going to have but the most beautiful feeling in the world is JOY...JOY that God chose you...chose you long before you knew it..Joy and Love from him right up in the heavens as he watches you love on the poor,the widows,loving on the Orphans,providing medical care,praying for them,fixing a peanut butter wrap,playing cards all of this he is watching and smiling because you are being obedient in what God has called you to do.You are "still" enough to listen..

I myself can't wait to get back to Haiti.Back to the girls,back to the people who bring joy to me..I go to bless them and in the end they end up blessing me.I will never forget the last trip I was on and instead of us as a team laying our hands on these people they instead laid their hands on us.These people who have nothing..probably 10 or so men placed their hands on me and prayed over me..Loudly...I have never felt anything like this raising up in me like I did during this 10 mins.The tears were raging out of me,my hair was standing on end and my heart was racing but a flood of peace,love,joy came from these men's hands down from my head to my toes..I have no clue as to what they were saying I only felt the Spirit as it was going through me like a tornado...so be ready for anything and be ready for a change of life.............